


Echoes

by preciousbunnynoiz



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Katsuki Yuuri, Depressed Victor Nikiforov, Depression, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural Elements, things aren't what they seem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 03:18:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13918257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Katsuki Yuuri lives a dull, safe, predictable, and isolated life.But this morning he wakes up and feels just slightly offLike distantly heard echoes.





	Echoes

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry

Yuuri blinked at his alarm went off. A strange feeling of heaviness seemed to weigh him down pinning him to the bed. 

True Yuuri was never good at mornings but this was a heavier feeling than most days. Stranger too and his head hurt which was weird. 

He’d had been drinking the night before but he’d only had a few drinks…

Yuuri shook himself and with a big sigh heaved himself out of bed his feet slapping against the floor in reproach. 

Yeah today was not going to be a good day.

He went through his morning routine feeling not so much out of sorts as just slightly off. He didn’t know why today was any different. 

It was the same tiny and silent apartment. 

The same bland and tasteless breakfast. 

The same uniform for the physiotherapist office he worked at. 

The same dull commute.

And yet he still felt just slightly  _ off _ .

Well it would pass, no need to worry anyone with his weakness.

(Not that there was anyone to worry in the first place)

He got to the office and let himself in waving a hand at the receptionist. He’s a bright boy if a bit too overly friendly.

(Yuuri didn’t need friends)

Apparently he was skater of some kind and part of his employment contract was discounted physio.

“Hello Phichit. Hope you had a nice weekend” Yuuri didn’t really look at the boy as he spoke but he made a point to greet him after the boss told him to be more friendly to his coworkers in his performance review.

(Yuuri didn’t understand that. He didn’t  _ want _ to be friends with anyone. Why couldn’t he just work, eat lunch, work some more and then go home? He had enough forced social interaction with his patients)

“Hey Yuuri! It was great! Didn’t you see my competition? I won silver!” Yuuri winced at the slight hurt in the boys voice. He did vaguely remember Phichit babbling at him about something like that but hadn’t really been listening.

“I’m sorry, I kind of spaced on doing anything this weekend and forgot. I’ll try to catch it on online later”

Great. Now he had to and had to talk about it to this kid. This is why he hated being friendly with his coworkers.

“That’s fine!” 

Yuuri put his stuff away and resisted sighing again. 

“Hey Yuuri?” now Yuuri looked up because Phichit’s voice, which was normally bright and cheerful, sounded serious and sad. An alien expression of sorrow was on his face.

“Yes?”

“Come back please?” 

Yuuri blinked.

“What?” then the world felt the way it looks when a movie goes from slow motion to normal speed. Like the world took a lurch to the right.

“I said come back here please! Your first patient is a bit tricky and I wanted to brief you on him” Phichit was back to all smiles again and Yuuri, though still feeling weird, nodded and joined him behind the desk.

“Okay so he’s got a bad temper but he’s not really violent. He’s a 15 year old who got hit by a car” something in Yuuri’s stomach clenched painfully and he’s not sure why, “He’s not badly injured but the fall wrenched his back up. Just be careful with him okay. Anyway here’s your stack of files.” 

Yuuri took the stack and retreated to his little curtained off area to review them.

The first three were fine (though his stomach clenched painfully when he saw the fifteen year old’s file again) but the fourth...

He didn’t know why but his hands shook as he tried to reach for it before pulling his hands back against his chest. It felt ominous in a way.

He shoved the other folders on top of it, trying to pretend it didn’t exist.

But it did.

And it was wrong.

He didn’t have time for this. 

His first appointment was here.

“Yuri Plisetsky?” he called to the waiting room. A blond haired boy with the angriest green eyes he’d ever seen winced as he stood before hobbling over.

“This way please” he led the teenager to the curtained off area.

The appointment went pretty normally. Yuuri kept his brusque but efficient way bedside manner up which Yuri seemed to appreciate though he growled when Yuuri bent him in a way that caused any pain.

They were silent for a moment as Yuuri wrote up a few of his observations.

“He blames himself you know” 

Yuuri glanced up, the kid’s voice was subdued as he looked at the ground. In fact, if Yuuri didn’t know any better he’d think the kid was near tears.

“Who does?”

There was a pause, like the world took a deep breath in and everything was still and silent with it. Then the world breathed out and everything was fast and bright and loud and  _ wrong _ again.

“My boyfriend. He was walking with me when I got hit. He’s not at fault, in fact I’m only okay because he pushed me out of the way in time.” the kid explained as he stared at his knees.

“Well boyfriends do that kind of thing” not that Yuuri would know. He’s perpetually single and always will be.

People bring complications.

...He didn’t have anyone to push him out of the way of danger.

Why did that thought make him want to cry?

He sent Plisetsky off with a series of exercises and worked through the next two patients.

He still hadn’t looked at the fourth folder.

He stared at it for a long time before popping his head out to tell Phichit he was going on a 15 minute break.

“Okay. Come back soon please” there was that sad voice again. What the fuck.

Yuuri went to the breakroom and, on a whim, called his sister. He had moved to Detroit because he didn’t want to take over the onsen and without that there was nothing in the town other than his family that was worth staying for. 

He had always had no friends.

No hobbies.

No serious interests.

He was only a physiotherapist because he liked working with his hands and it was respectable and in enough demand.

He preferred it this way.

Alone no one could see his weaknesses.

Still he called and when the call connected he nearly hung up at how upset Mari sounded.

_ “Yuuri! We miss you.”  _

“I know. I’m sorry” they probably didn’t really. 

_ “Do you really know how much we miss you? Why do you have to keep going so far away?” _ white hot guilt swirled in his stomach.

“I’m sorry” he whispered.

_ “I know you’re saying sorry but you should be hearing ‘I love you’ you’re so loved Yuuri. You can’t keep pushing people away. You can’t keep pushing  _ him _ away”  _

What?

Him?

Who is ‘Him’? 

He hung up without saying anything more. 

He had a feeling he knew who ‘Him’ was.

He dragged his feet back to his cubby and stared at the desk. 

At the file.

The one he didn’t want to open.

The one he had to open.

His heart was beating a mile a minute in his chest and his mouth had dried up like a desert at noon even as tears pricked at his eyes.

He opened the folder and collapsed on the floor.

“Vitya” he gasped as tears rolled down his cheeks and he fought to breath through the sobs.

Oh god he remembered.

He remembered  _ everything. _

He remembered his childhood obsession with his favourite skater. 

His fight to reach the top and be noticed.

His failure.

His comeback with Victor as his coach, friend and lover.

Their engagement.

Their life in Russia.

The argument.

It was such a dumb argument.

Why had it been so important to Yuuri that Victor not buy him expensive things? It was a dumb thing to fight about but it had gotten so heated.

_ “Yuuri don’t go!” Victor tried to grab Yuuri’s arm but Yuuri ripped it away. _

_ “I need to get out of here before I say something I don’t mean” Yuuri had spat. _

_ “Yuuri please!” Victor grabbed for him again. _

_ “Get the fuck away from me!”  _

_ Yuuri didn’t mean it.  _

_ He didn’t mean it.  _

_ He didn’t mean to put that look on Victor’s face. _

_ But Yuuri was a coward.  _

_ So he ran. He ran through the streets with tears in eyes and self loathing in his heart.  _

_ He didn’t hear the car until it was too late… _

“Yuuri I’m so sorry. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I drove you away. Please come home to me…”

Yuuri turned to look at the voice he knew only too well. 

There, on the exam table, was Victor as he was at 16 looking at him with such sorrow and pain.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean any of it!” Yuuri wanted to scramble up and hug Victor but this wasn’t really Victor was it?

“No I’m not. Not really. He doesn’t exist in this reality” Victor told him. Yuuri wiped his eyes.

“I don’t understand. This is just a hallucination isn’t it? I’m in a coma aren’t I?” He remembered hitting his head against the pavement before everything went dark.

“Yes and no. You are in a coma currently but this reality isn’t fake. You wanted to escape to a reality where you could never hurt Victor again so your mind went to one where he was never born. Without him being born you never went into skating. I’ve been manipulating things as much as you can so you could make a real choice. Using these versions of your friends and family to pass on the messages your loved ones are saying to you in yours.” Not Victor explained.

“What do you mean choice?”

“You can stay here. Live out the rest of your days as Physiotherapist Yuuri. Maybe even become friends with Phichit and get a boyfriend or girlfriend and live a life without Victor...or you can go home” Not Victor shrugged, “The choice is yours”

Yuuri didn’t move from where he sat crumbled on the floor.

“What happens to this Yuuri if I choose to stay”

“He dies. He has closed himself off so much he can’t even imagine wanting something different”

Yuuri winced.

“So...will I die in my world or just stay in a coma?”

Not Victor didn’t answer.

He didn’t have to.

He waited but Yuuri just stayed on the floor in a crumpled heap.

“You know what you want...why do you hesitate?”

Yuuri let out a ragged breath.

“Because what if I hurt him again? What if I keep hurting him? What if by not going back I’m doing the best thing for him?” 

Because what did Yuuri have to offer really? Anxiety? A bad temper? A ruined career? 

Ungratefulness. 

Selfishness.

Pain.

Not Victor sighed and stood up from the exam table and crossed the room to hold out a hand to Yuuri who stared up at him in confusion.

“Do you want to see what happens to Victor if you stay?”

No.

Yes.

He put his hand in Not Victor’s.

He was pulled to his feet as the world whirled around them. 

He was in a hospital room. 

Two of him were.

He barely registered his form on the bed because there were so many people around him shouting. 

Not Victor led him out of the room to the corridor where he was faced with a sight that broke his already battered heart. Victor was looking at the door to his room in horror, Yurio and Yakov holding onto him as if they dragged him from the room. 

Victor’s normally beautiful hair was dull and messy, his face pale with dark circles under the eyes. The shouting from the room behind them ceased. 

There was a moment of silence and then the door opened and a doctor walked through Yuuri. 

Victor saw something in her face and collapsed to the floor screaming. 

“Come on”

The world moved again and they were in the living room in the home he created with Victor.

Only not.

The lights were all off and empty bottles littered the floor and tables.

The front door unlocked and a light flicked on.

“Victor? I brought you some food so actually eat it this time” Yuri called as he limped past where Not Victor and Yuuri stood. 

Yuuri followed him.

“Why is he limping?” he asked as he tried not to think about the amount of bottles littering the flat.

“Without you and Victor to help him get out of his head he let his anger take over. He was trying a quad flip in memory of you but without Victor to help him learn he fell wrong and broke his leg. He’s never going to be the champion he was going to be now” Not Victor told him.

Yuuri felt sick even as he followed Yuri who complained about Victor being lazy and stupid before he opened the bedroom door.

“Jesus Victor did you even get out of bed yesterday?” Yuri asked as he picked up a tray of untouched food like it didn’t surprise him.

Victor didn’t reply. 

He just lay in bed staring at the wall. 

He was thin.

Too thin.

Yuri clicked his tongue.

“You can’t keep destroying yourself like this Victor. It’s not what he would have wanted” 

That got Victor to move. 

Yuuri recoiled from the pain and self loathing in his eyes.

“I killed him didn’t I? If I wasn’t too chicken shit I would have already done what needs to be done.” Victor’s voice was dead just like his eyes.

“For fucks sake! You didn’t kill him! It was an accident and now you’re….you’re talking about leaving me too…” Yuri burst into angry tears, “How fucking selfish can you be?”

“Selfish enough to kill an Angel” 

“It’s ironic that he calls you an Angel when you’re so ready to abandon them isn’t it?” Not Victor asked almost conversationally 

“I don’t want this. I never wanted this” Yuuri buried his face in his hands, sobs wrenching in his chest.

Slim arms surrounded him holding him close.

He didn’t deserve comfort.

He was evil.

Cruel.

Selfish.

Bad.

“Yuuri. If you only brought him pain would I make such an effort to convince you to go back to him? If you were a bad person would I have fought to help you understand?”

Yuuri looked up into the eyes of Not Victor and understood who and what he was in that moment.

“...No” 

“Exactly. The problem here is not that you do harm but that you don’t see the good you do.” 

The world moved again and they were at the rink in St. Petersburg.

“This is 6 months before you met Victor in Sochi. Really look and listen.” Yuuri nodded at the instruction.

“Hi Victor!” Mila called like usual but Victor only spared her a momentary press smile and simple greeting instead of the hug and hair ruffle Yuuri was used to seeing.

“What a prick” she muttered turning away.

Yuuri watched in confusion as Victor barely acknowledged his rinkmates. Barely acknowledged Yakov. Just drilled his skating again and again.

It was wrong.

This cold automaton was not his lover.

“Where’s Yuri!” Yakov yelled suddenly getting Yuuri’s attention.

“He won’t answer his phone against Coach” a young woman, probably an assistant coach, informed him.

“Goddamnit that’s the third time this week! If he wants to succeed in seniors he has to practice! He’s in for a rude awakening next year…Victor stop and take a break!”

Victor just nodded his head and left.

“...What is this?” Yuuri whispered.

“This is how they were before meeting you. The Victor you saw after your death is not much different from this Victor. It’s just this Victor is numb to everything and everyone. You’re the only one to really break through his shell.” Not Victor informed him.

“I never thought...I mean he told me but I didn’t think it was this bad. He’s like a different person” Yuuri whispered, “...and what about Yurio?”

Not Victor shrugged.

“He needed a rival who could actually challenge him. To make him take it seriously. Onsen on Ice and you gave him that.” 

The world spun once more and they were back in the grey physiotherapist room that they had begun in.

“So what is your choice?”

Victor.

It would always be Victor.

Because even though deep down he was still afraid...he also could never choose anything but Victor.

“Good choice”

 

The world was too bright and there was a strange beeping.

Yuuri blinked and the world stayed fuzzy because of lack of glasses but he looked to his left and saw a person he would always be able to pick out no matter how fuzzy his sight. He was in a chair pulled up close to the bed Yuuri was on, his head in his hands.

“Vitya…” he croaked reaching out a hand. 

Victor’s head snapped up, tears in his eyes.

“Yuuri?” he whispered.

“Vitya…” he coughed. 

“GO GET THE NURSE!” Victor yelled at someone by the door before turning back to Yuuri. 

“Vitya!” tears filled Yuuri’s eyes, “I’m sorry Vitya! I’m sorry! It was dumb! I was dumb! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean any of it! You can buy me whatever you want!” he was still holding out his hand and Victor quickly grasped it in his own.

“No no I’m sorry! It’s all my fault if I had just...I nearly killed you” Victor’s voice was heartbreaking.

“No you didn’t! It was an accident and my fault! I should have been looking where I was going!” Yuuri clung to Victor as he clung to him.

“Then...then you didn’t do it on purpose?” and Yuuri felt cold all over. Victor had thought he’d thrown himself into traffic on purpose. 

Oh GOD.

“No! No Vitya I swear I didn’t! I just was so angry with myself for hurting you that bad that I wasn’t paying attention! I’m sorry I left the flat at all. I was so cruel and I’m sorry!” he couldn’t remember why it was so important to say this right now but it was.

Victor clung to his hand. 

He found out later he’d been in a coma for three days. He had a fun time convincing the psychologist they brought in that he really hadn’t stepped in front of traffic deliberately and even more convincing Yurio and Victor but eventually they seemed more convinced then not.

He had a broken collarbone and right arm but nothing that would stop his career long term. 

Victor was still on edge when he brought Yuuri home but he looked better. The dark circles had faded and his hair was back to it’s normal brightness.

He was just so quiet and withdrawn.

“Victor sit with me?” he asked sitting on the couch. Victor nodded and sat with a gap between them.

“...why are you shutting me out?” he asked finally as Victor stared at the floor.

“...are you going to leave me?” Victor finally asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“What? No! Sweetheart I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for walking out when I was angry. I am even more sorry for what I said before I left and I’m sorriest of all getting hurt so badly and scaring you. But why would I leave you? You’re my everything” Yuuri rested his good hand on Victor’s arm who looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

“Really?” 

For a moment Yuuri saw something.

It was like an echo but with sight. 

A pulse of living room, dark and covered with empty bottles and Victor sitting like this but thin and ragged and broken.

Then it was gone and Yuuri through his good arm around Victor in an embrace.

“I swear it. I chose you and I will always choose you” another flash but this time he saw a sterile little apartment with a sterile little life, himself empty and cold on a sofa before it was gone, “I need you as much as you need me. Without you my life would be empty and devoid of warmth or meaning”

Victor’s arms came up to embrace Yuuri carefully as he broke down in sobs which Yuuri matched.

But this time it felt different.

It felt like healing.

For a moment Yuuri thought he saw Victor as he was when he was 16 standing behind the Victor in his arms. It was gone in an instant but it left behind a sense of approval.

They would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I had some darkness to get out of my soul.
> 
> But basically what happened is Yuuri and Victor had a fight, Yuuri ran away rather than face the fact he hurt Victor and got hit by a car by accident. 
> 
> He then went into a coma where he slipped into an alternate reality. An Angel taking the form of Young Victor helped him realise this and convince him to go back to Victor because he would hurt Victor more by staying.
> 
> Everything will be okay and both Yuuri and Victor will get therapy both individually and as a couple.


End file.
